Moving On & Letting Go

What helped me heal?

I gave it to God.

For a long time I didn’t understand what that meant.

Until one day… I literally gave it to Him.

I talked to Him like I was a snitch.

I told Him everything — my hurt, my anger, my tears, even the parts I wasn’t proud of.

I cried on my porch when no one saw my pain.

On the bathroom floor.

Under my passion fruit tree.

And it helped.

When I was drowning in sorrow and begging Him to take it from me, something would always happen —

a dog barking

a child needing juice

the phone ringing

a neighbor shouting at a football game

Back then I thought those were interruptions.

Now I see them as answers.

He was lifting me up exactly the way I asked.

I’m learning that God doesn’t say “no.”

He says:

“Not for you.”

Not because we don’t deserve it…

but because He can see the pain ahead that we cannot.

Just like a parent with a curfew.

Just like a father who knows that boy isn’t right for his daughter.

“Can you trust me? I’m doing this because I love you.”

Isn’t that what God asks us every day?

When He sends red flags…

when He closes doors…

when something doesn’t work out…

It’s not rejection.

It’s protection.

I’m learning this slowly, in the middle of my life.

Lord, thank You for opening my eyes.

I don’t know what’s ahead,

but I trust that what brought me to my knees in sorrow

was not for me.